Battling Frustration (Again)
Yesterday was Joel's first day back to the office since my surgery.
A new milestone!
I'd love to say it was a smashing success on my part. Unfortunately, I quickly overdid it emptying out my suitcase, and doing one load of laundry! The rest of the afternoon & evening I was in so much pain. I made supper in pain while Joel was on his extra long drive home since the snow had started. While eating I was fighting the tears. I don't know if I am stubborn, or wise, because I don't want to increase the meds I have worked hard on reducing. Joel encouraged me to use some extra meds if my pain levels are so bad. I just cried out it has been 11 weeks since surgery! I was feeling so frustrated that I still couldn't do more without so much pain. Caleb even encouraged me, reminding me how long my elbow surgery recovery went, and this surgery was in a much more important area than an elbow!
It's hard that I look normal (unless you see my scar, which is hidden, especially in winter clothes). On the outside, it looks like I can do things. This is also the time I would be gathering fresh greenery and making wreaths for gifts, for our house, and sometimes even selling s few. It's my once a year chance to be creative. There is no way I can do that this year. A loss, but hopefully next year. Please, friends, be aware and sensitive to those who have hidden pains or struggles and put on a happy face for you.
Today is a new day! Joel is actually home again because of the 5.5" of snow that fell last night. He got our travel laundry done. I am able to fold it and put it away, with some breaks.
The internal & spiritual fight continues to look to God for my attitude adjustment in the hard moments. I will not lie, I have ugly moments, just ask Joel. But, I won't give up that fight.
"For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ."
~2 Corinthians 10:4-5
Today I read a Caring Bridge update from a friend in Iowa who had a kidney transplant eight weeks ago. She was encouraged by a sign she saw during a hard moment that simply said: "God can use you wherever you are”. Well, here I am, feeling like I'm not very useful, but hope and trust that God can do anything. I ask Him to use me here, even in this recovery...
"Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." ~ Ephesians 3:20-21
