A New Milestone
Twenty weeks feels like a bit of a milestone in my tiny part of the world. Perhaps it is a good time to write an update again.
Truly, I have been held in the palm of Christ's hand. Both through the worst of this journey, and the less painful, but frustrating parts. Hopefully, I've expressed a few of the many times God has clearly stepped in and guided my path, and in the quieter moments when I cried in pain and His word comforted me. I've been held for sure, I've been protected and loved. I'm so grateful and praise God! He is the God of gods and King of kings, and yet He knows all our thoughts, feelings, and circumstances. That could be a fearful thought for some. But, take heart, He is worthy of our/my trust. I am free to share my ugliest thoughts and cry out to Him. Why can I do that? I can trust Him because His heart hurts for us. In John 11:35 it simply says,"Jesus wept". He wept for those grieving the death of Lazarus, even when He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead! God cares for us in the big and little things in our lives. Zephaniah 3:17 also says how much God rejoices in His people and quiets us. See the full verse in the picture below. This Journey of surgery and slowly healing has both reminded & shown me His deep love and how I can continue to trust Him. He is with me in the hard, He forgives me when I sin, and also rejoices as I cling to Him and make progress...
That said, I'm progressing well! I am doing the majority of everyday things now. Unfortunately, the nerve pain is still coming and going multiple times a day, but it is usually quick shooting pain, or sometimes a deep ache that lasts a bit longer. Sometimes I can go on doing whatever I am doing, or talking to people and they never would know it is hitting me... other times, I jump a bit because it hits so hard. Either way, I am learning to just live with it. It is my new "normal". Yet, I still hope and pray it leaves for good... or at least I hope to eventually be able to get off all nerve pain medication without worsening symptoms.
I also had my second Pain Medicine doctor appointment... The first time he talked to us quite a bit and he was reassuring that it is normal for my pain to continue this long. The second time he was very rushed, and when he was leaving I said I had some questions, he paused for a moment, but he didn't finish answering all of my questions. He also only offered meds, a spinal shot, and then the next step would be an implant that tries to block the nerve pain. At this time, I don't want those, and had really hoped he would offer something besides just things to mask the pain. I realized I am the one who suggested the Physical Therapy in the first visit. I am seeing my primary doctor in a few days to talk over all of this.
Speaking of P.T., it has continued to be hard, but not always as painful as the first day... and I'm now doing more strength building exercises, which have included working with weights the last few times. I think it has helped me to be less fearful to do a bit more and stretch the possibilities of what I think I can do. I actually did some shoveling in the big snowstorm we had. My biggest issue was getting out of breath quickly. I took a lot of breaks, and tried pushing the snow as much as I could instead of lifting. I did get some concerning comments from Joel and the "kids" about my doing that. I just want to be a help again! Joel was home, but working, and using his breaks to split and bring in wood to keep our wood burning stove going as much as we could. It has been much colder than we usually get, especially for this long... with many nights below zero, up to -15*F, not including the wind chill. Over the weekend, my boys and grandson were all able to make it to our house after one of the biggest snows I remember in our 23 years here. I decided to join them sledding on our hill! The reality is, my fall, & elbow ligament surgery, and then my thoracic surgery in the past two years have made me timid to do anything that could cause injury. I realize sledding is not very risky, but it was a step in the right direction of not being so fearful. Instead, I chose to enjoy my family to the fullest... It's also a good reminder of my continuing recovery! I've spent mid September till mid December not doing much of anything but walking and taking it slowly with minimal bending and stretching. I'm ready to live some more. God has walked with me though the pain and even "held" me through the worst moments. He will continue to be with me as I stretch my wings and do more!
I also witnessed the unique, intricate beauty of the Lord in the big snowstorm and bitter colds that followed. I wandered around taking pictures, and even played with bubbles. The picture above with Zephaniah 3:17 is from the edges of our heated water bowl for the cats.
